Sen no Yoru o Koete
by AnnieInWonderland07
Summary: Inspired by Bleach the movie song, this is a tale told by Orihime about her feelings for Ichigo, how it developed and how she suffered and longed for it. You might want to read the translation of the song to relate better. :D Rated M for future chaps!
1. Chapter 1

**A new Bleach fan fic. Inspired by Bleach: Memories of Nobody song, Sen no Yoru o Koete by Aqua Timez.**

**This would be a fic about Orihime's feelings to Ichigo. There would be some insights about her – in depth exploration as you might call it.**

**The story is very much manga-based. So, I hope I won't get too OOC.**

**The words in italics are the English translations of the song. :D**

Chapter 1

Unrequited Love

_I want to be loved, but you don't seem to love me,_

_I wander about, within that repetition._

Good day to you all. I am Inoue Orihime.

I'm a freshman student of Karakura High. I've lived in Karakura Town ever since I can remember. I once lived with my brother, Inoue Sora.

But he died in a traffic accident – a day that I will never forget. It was that day that I got into a real argument with my brother, and I didn't know that it would be my last talk with him.

If only I had more time. If only I had been less childish and selfish. I would have more moments spent with him. Or maybe, my last time spent with him won't be as regretful as what happened.

But as much as I want to change A LOT of events in my life, it can't be undone.

Now I live in an apartment, alone. With no parents. No siblings. Nothing.

All I have are my friends. My wonderful friends.

Arisawa Tatsuki, my best friend. Tatsuki-chan has been there ever since my brother died. She has been my pillar of support – the hand I hold on to whenever I feel defenseless. She would bring me 'normal' meals and often laugh with me. She would always be there, and I am forever grateful for her

I also have friends at school that I eat together with at lunch. My classmates. I guess I'm reliant on my friends. Why? Because there would be no one in my life who could fill my loneliness, except them.

I would smile. I'm a cheerful girl; that I know. And everyone asks me how I manage to be cheerful and a bit naïve. I guess it's my defense mechanism. Yeah, my defense.

I could only look at life positively. Who am I to complain? I have lived on, despite my problems. I have lived on despite losing my family. I have to be thankful. Smiling everyday would by only sanctuary.

Then I met him.

And there I know, I will love him forever.

For five lifetimes. No… not just five lifetimes. No matter how many times I would be reborn, I know my love for him would transcend lifetimes.

Kurosaki Ichigo.

That orange-haired boy whom people fear, with a seemingly permanent scowl on his face. His hair color would definitely be an eye-catcher, but I'm not one to talk, having a weird hair color myself.

He would seldom talk. He was considered a punk and even his friend Asano Keigo feared him once. But people who don't know Ichigo wouldn't know how kind he is on the inside.

And I guess I pride myself on loving him even from watching his cold and unapproachable exterior from afar.

Yes, I love Kurosaki Ichigo wholly. From the day I saw him in the Kurosaki Clinic, when my brother was dead. He tried to help. That young boy whom everyone feared, tried to help someone as helpless as me.

I guess that was in his nature.

Especially when he met Kuchiki Rukia – the girl who turned him to a Shinigami.

A Death God – concerned with protecting the balance and well-being of the souls in this world and the next. A selfless task that he had taken on to protect the people he loved.

And there I watched his battles as he attempted to balance schoolwork and his Shinigami responsibilities, like a hero everyone doesn't know about.

I watched him bleed and fall for Rukia, to save the girl from execution. He always swears on his soul, promises to win for the people around him. And he manages to uphold these promises.

I watched him struggle to gain his goals. Yes, I watched on. Feeling emotions of awe, inspiration, wonderment, insecurity… everything.

He made me feel a vast complex of emotions which I have never before felt. I was jealous of Kuchiki-san, who could comfort Kurosaki-kun in his darkest and most conflicting of times. I watched on with a breaking heart as Kurosaki-kun fell and got up for Kuchiki-san.

I watched on as I fell miserably into feelings of despair – that I could not protect Kurosaki-kun, that I could not help him. My powers blessed and triggered by his enormous reiatsu Shun Shun Rikka, were not attack-based. But at least I could help him survive any struggle no matter what. My healing abilities assured me that.

But I had no right to feel insecure. Who was I? I don't own Kurosaki Ichigo. I only love him from afar. Watching him day after day grow from a boy to man – a man who has carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, makes me glow with pride and love. I am happy enough to be one of his nakama. That I am thankful for.

There were also trying times in my life. I was taken to Hueco Mundo by Ulquiorra Schiffer, fourth espada and a creature who served the enemy, Aizen Sousuke. Aizen Sousuke – the traitor who defied Soul Society and wanted the King's Key, to become the sole ruling power of the whole spirit world, even the material world.

They wanted me, in exchange for the safety of my friends. I wanted to do something. I wanted to do something for once – to protect my nakama, to protect Kurosaki-kun. But in the end, they came after me: Kurosaki-kun, Kuchiki-san, Ishida-kun, Sado-kun, and Abarai-san. Even the captains went to Hueco Mundo to help.

I saw Kurosaki-kun struggle against Grimmjow. I saw him become a Hollow, and I was scared. Yes, I was frightened, and I felt ashamed that I doubted his will to protect. But I realized that in the end, I was afraid of losing him. I was afraid he would die in Grimmjow's hands.

But he did not. He survived, and even had the strength to carry me on his back. I was embarrassed, because I knew I might be heavy. But the selfless Kurosaki-kun still carried me, and that would be one of the happiest moments of my life.

Unfortunately, there would be more challenges. And I regretted terribly that I could only help a little.

I struggled out of Nnoitra's hands as Tesla pounded Ichigo. God, I could hear his bones breaking, how his heavy breathing turned heavier and my heart was shattered, seeing his pain that was caused by me.

I saw how his skin bled and burned in the hands of Ulquiorra. How he barely made it alive. I saw as a hole was bored into his chest as he keeled over, unconscious. I saw him cough up blood, just as I saw Ishida-kun's arm cut off. All for my sake.

I saw how Kurosaki-kun revived after I called out senseless for him. Yes, I was afraid. Very much afraid. I did not know what to do without Kurosaki-kun. I didn't know what will become of me and the others. And most of all, I knew – what would become of me without the man I love?

I saw Kurosaki-kun turn from a nearly lifeless being to a Full Hollow form. He relentlessly attacked, in which part I didn't know if he was still himself. He told me, in his wildest and darkest form that he will help me – a fact in which I didn't know if I would be happy or disturbed. Kurosaki-kun still knew me, despite of the fact that he turned to something that I never dreamt he would turn to. A Hollow, just like what Onii-chan became. But he still recognized me.

I saw him fight against Aizen. I saw him struggle and win. I saw him frown, shout, smile… and yet, I love him.

And now, after the Winter War, I stand inside our classroom again and I would look his way as he chatted with his friends.

What has changed? My love for him only grew stronger.

But they remained unrequited.

Someone like me does not deserve someone like Kurosaki Ichigo.

_I found a single answer…_

_Even scared, even hurt,_

_I can tell the person that I love, "I love you."_


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter. Thank you to all those who reviewed my story. Before I start the story, I am now warning you.**

**This fan fic is filled with drama, turmoil, torture, insecurities and whatever negativities you may call it. If you're a hardcore IchiHime fan, just like I am, prepare your hankies (LMAO). Oh well.**

**And to those who asked, NO. This is NOT a one-shot. DirectX07 and her other pen names do not do one shots. :D**

**Ichigo and Orihime don't belong to me. And remember, I WARNED you.**

Chapter 2

Doubts

_**Do you love me? Do you not love me?**_

_**It doesn't matter to me either way,**_

_The day Inoue Sora died._

My brother died, and you could say it was my fault. Indeed, it might be my fault. My petty self, whom I thought and recognized as cheerfulness, everything turned to dust the day my brother died.

How silly I was for not liking those hair clips he gave me. I might have been trying to grow, trying to be more mature of my preferences. I disregarded his gift, calling the clips childish.

I could still hear his voice.

"Orihime, please," he said in a pleading voice. "They're wonderful. I took some part of my salary just for it."

"Well you shouldn't have bought it," I said in a frustrated voice. "You could have bought more important things."

I was a brat. What I didn't know was that an argument would be the last conversation that I would have with him.

Night fell as I clutched myself in the corner of our apartment.

_Where is onii-chan? _I asked myself, eyes scanning the room. _He should be home by now._

Thunder broke loose outside. I shivered. I hated the rain. It made me sad and somehow scared. It was like its watery embrace would be my demise – drowning me in pain.

_I should apologize to onii-chan._

A knock interrupted my thoughts. I opened the door, shyly peeking out.

Two policemen who were soaking wet by the rain were standing outside. I opened the door wide this time, eyeing them with question.

"Are you Inoue Orihime?" the man with glasses and a mustache asked.

"Hai," I whispered back.

"If you would kindly come with us," the other man with a broken nose said. "Your brother has been in a traffic accident and is now being taken to the nearest clinic."

I could not explain the feeling I felt. It was like a bucket of ice was being poured down my entire being. My knees felt like they were melting, but I found myself running towards the rain, guided by the two officers who came to inform me of the dreadful news.

Lights that passed as I was in that car were blurred. I did not know what to think. I prayed – prayed silently.

_Lord, let my brother be okay._

When the car came to a stop, I ran outside just as an ambulance stopped too.

My hands gripped my sides as the back door of the vehicle was being opened, revealing a the ashen face of my brother, unconscious.

At this, I screamed.

"Onii-chan!!!"

I rushed to his side. He was cold – so damnably cold. There was no trace of life in his hands. His once smiling face was no more. It was pale, so very pale.

I shook my head. This wasn't happening. There's no way that this could possibly happen. Tears of rejection stung my eyes as my heavy feet followed the movements of the stretcher. I held on to myself as I looked up in denial.

But when I saw the nurse's regretful face, I screamed once again,

"ONII-CHAN!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!"

It was a scream that pierced the cold night. It was a scream that tore up the peace of the raining skies. It was a scream that stabbed through my heart. It was a scream of torture, horror – as the sickening truth came down upon me that my brother might not have a chance to live.

Yet I still hoped.

Yes, that hope was what might have killed me. Wanting something you might not get – something that's impossible to get.

A doctor with black hair and with an untended growth of hair on his face appeared to take control of the situation. But my mind wouldn't register what happened next. I was being ushered away by the nurse's gentle hands, taking me inside the house which was beside the clinic.

My tears wouldn't seem to stop. My eyes weren't growing weary, but my soul seemed burdened. I shrank in the cushioning folds of the sofa.

I was in a living room of a house. The clinic was privately-owned, now I knew.

I hung my head low. Shivers ran through my spine as I shook my head to remove thoughts of what might happen. I just wanted to get stuck on that situation. I don't want to know anything or any news that might make my miserable life worse.

Onii-chan's face – the pale, _lifeless _face, flashed in my mind like a lightning realization. I closed my eyes as harsh sobs consumed me. I choked and sputtered as something clogged my throat, like bile. I thought I was going to vomit with the pain I felt in my chest.

I found it hard to breathe.

Just then, I felt someone occupy the space beside me and laid a warm hand on my head.

I looked up hesitantly, hastily wiping the tears off my face.

The hand belonged to a boy who was about my age. He wore a serious expression on his face as he assessed me with concerned, brown eyes. He had a strange hair color – bright orange that seemed to be arranged in disarray on his head.

"Just cry it all out," he said, giving me a small smile.

My eyes filled up with more tears as I couldn't restrain myself. I leaned in into the boy's shoulder and cried my soul and heart out.

"Orihime-chan," a gruff voice said.

I looked up once more and saw the regretful expression in the doctor's face and eyes. I started to cringe and shake.

"I'm sorry," he added, his voice filled with sadness.

I struggled hard but in the end, I collapsed again to waves of hysterical cries. The boy beside me held on to my shoulders and moved me towards his comforting shoulder, letting me lean on him for support.

"Take care of her Ichigo," I heard the doctor say.

_Onii-chan, _I thought as I cried out loud. _Why did you leave me? Was it my entire fault? Were you sad as you walked home because I didn't accept your gift? When you felt sad, did you lose your concentration? Did you not see the car hurtling towards you? Because of me? Because of me?_

_Answer me, Onii-chan!_

I knew. I knew, despite all my questions. I knew it was my fault.

"It's… my fault," I choked out.

"No, it's not," the boy's voice said.

I was mildly surprised that for someone so young, his voice could be so full of conviction.

"What would I do?" I asked wildly. "I'm alone. Onii-chan's gone… why?!"

"There are just some things in life we have to let go of," he added.

An hour has passed and I felt myself growing weak and tired from all the things that happened to me. I felt like I was going to die from the pain.

I was resentful of myself, for acting that way to my brother. I fished the contents of my skirt's pocket and took out the pins that he gave me earlier.

I stared at it with shaking fingers and closed my hand around it, as if feeling the remnants of my brother on it.

I vowed to wear it every day of my life.

I didn't know what to do with myself without onii-chan. He was my pillar of support – the one who gave me a reason to live, the one who always smiled with me through times of pain.

What would the childish and helpless me do?

But the boy who comforted me seemed to give me hope again – a hope that I shouldn't deserve, hope that I didn't want to feel.

"What's… your name?" I asked hesitantly, my voice breaking.

He stared at me with a mild expression. "Kurosaki Ichigo," he answered.

"Kurosaki-kun," I breathed out. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, moving away, "Inoue Orihime-san."

The doctor offered me to stay in their house for the night. The thought that I have no one to go home to now hit me like a slap. I lowered my gaze as I tried to take in the pain.

Two girls, obviously Kurosaki Ichigo's younger sisters offered me kind smiles and warm gazes for comfort. I looked back at them, trying to fill my eyes with even a faint trace of warmth, just to return some of their generous and caring gestures.

Kurosaki-kun was still observing me with concern and despite my depressed self, I found a blush threatening to creep to my face.

But the larger and darker part of my emotions took the best of me. My eyes started filling up again as Kurosaki-kun offered me his clothes to change into.

"Thank you," I whispered to him, taking what he gave me. I went to their bathroom to change.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror as I entered and I felt disgusted looking at the distraught and helpless creature it reflected.

But I said nothing and meekly changed to Kurosaki-kun's clothing, which were a bit loose for me and smelled clean and good.

"Orihime-chan," Dr. Kurosaki Isshin, as he introduced himself a few moments ago, said. "You can sleep in Ichigo's room."

I blushed slightly. "Is that… okay?" I asked.

Isshin chuckled as he patted my head. "Absolutely okay. Make yourself at home, okay?"

_Home, _I thought weakly. _Would I ever have that?_

_Onii-chan was the only home I had left._

I walked towards Kurosaki-kun's room. I knocked meekly.

He opened the door, a small smile on his face. "I prepared the bed for you."

"Ano…" I said, "Is that okay? Where are you going to sleep if I'm taking up your bed?"

"I already have a futon laid out on the floor. You can have the bed," he replied, motioning me to his bed.

I sat reluctantly as he sat down on his futon. He looked at me and said, in a voice that was a bit assertive, "Go to sleep. You need it."

I smiled a bit, my lips shivering a little. "Hai," I replied.

He turned off the lamp and I lied down the bed, staring up at the dark ceiling.

Another feeling – a wave of solitude enveloped me as memories of my beloved brother flashed in my mind like a whirlwind, engulfing me.

I felt hot tears trickle down my cheeks again. I turned away from where Kurosaki-kun was, afraid that he might see me crying.

But as wave after wave of sadness enveloped my frail self, I couldn't help but sniff. The sobs were unstoppable, like a tidal wave that have succeeded in drowning me.

I felt the part of the bed behind me sink as a familiar warm hand touch my shoulder.

It was Kurosaki-kun.

I sat up and looked at him. "I'm sorry I'm being noisy," I apologized.

"You have every right to cry," he commented.

He was offering himself to lean on again and I gladly accepted the offer, pouring out all my emotions towards him. Observing him, it was as if he knew what pain it was like to lose someone you loved.

Then again, as I noticed, he didn't seem to have a mother.

He held on to me as I cried endless rivers of tears in mourning for my brother.

We stayed on like that to the wee hours of the night, until I finally rested in a deep sleep whilst clinging to him.

And when I woke up, we were lying together in his bed, his arms seemed to wrap protectively around me.

And from then on, I knew when I cried into his shoulder, I started to give a part of myself to him.

To Kurosaki Ichigo. That small boy who held on to me and tried to absorb some of my pain. That small boy who seemed to know worlds in his eyes. That small boy who seemed to take on the weight of the world on his shoulders.

_**No matter how much I wish for it,**_

_**There are a lot of things in this world that can't be changed.**_

_**

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**End of Chapter 2. I had to cut it there. Thanks for those who read and reviewed. :D Still hoping for more support! :)**


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